1.  Mahjong is like sex.  When it's good it's great, when it bad it's still good

2.  My Tolerance for bullshit is running low and my tank of give a shit is empty

3. A fact of life--After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF

4. Golf: My favorite foreplay

5. Kisses are like real estate--what's important is Location, Location, Location

6. The L in my luck has been replaced with an F

7. OMG--WTF is the  BFD

8. To Do List--Who gives a shit

9. Handle stress like a dog--If you can't eat it or play with it.  Pee on it and walk away.

10. Playing bridge is like having sex--If you don't have a good partner you better have a good hand

11. He called me a bitch, so I called him an ambulance

12. Handle Stress like a dog, If you can't eat it or play with it, pee on it and walk away

13. Sex is like a bank, you put it in, the it out, you lose interest

14. I am emotionally constipated--I haven't given a crap all week